funny bible contradictions

Jonah felt mad and miserable because it was so hot. These people are not drunk, as you suppose. Sea shells found atop Everest? 27Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.The god of this world and his associates take pleasure confusing and spurring men to destroy themselves and others. This might be to teach us the importance of obedience. ). You are a worshiper. No belief is necessary. It is amazing to know that our words can bring people closer together. And they that were with me [Paul] saw indeed the light and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me. Storyteller. But we can also have fun, we can enjoy ourselves. Having been brought up christian, I was frightened to death as a youngster cause I touched myselfthought for sure that I am going to hell, and once I ate meat on Friday.Sounds silly I know, but i sincerely was scared to death of hell, and the mean nuns who "taught" me. As for your comment about human footprints in the fossil layer and your (again, incoherent) comment regarding humans walking with dinosaurs WTF? Doesn't really sound all the God-like, huh?The thoughts, ideas and beliefs you hold determine what you're attracted to and what's attracted to you. The days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the people of Israel and with the people of Judah. He talked about them seeing specks of sawdust in other peoples eyes when they have planks in theirs. There is nothing that brings people closer together like humor. Once married to Christones' eyes are opened and mysteries revealed. 22But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. 25But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed. !The one thing i NEVER hear Christians discull is the liklihood of life on other planetswhy is that! It was also written in different languages. I have no right to demand an explanation from Him. This kind of talk is what I think is stupid about Christianity,..since when did the "Holy Spirit" do anything for you?,what the hell is the "Holy Spirit" anyway? and backing everything up.. i'm glad you made it out of the brainwash like i did ..we're finally free :) (and a bit smarter now too) well done. Sorry if i appear to ramble, my head is a bit sleep deprived, but I STILL KNOW what im talking about! Jews are very particular about their bloodlines so verses like this, though they may sound a bit funny, are important to their culture. The first is that people who claim the BIble to be literal truth are silly, which, sure, they are. That escalated quickly. Quick background to this text, Bethel is a place of idol worship. You may have seen this image that shows a visual representation of "all of the contradictions in the Bible.". It's ridiculous that they criticize all our scientific discoveries and ready to stick with a book that told to be written by an all knowing God? When we love one another, we always want to do what is best for them. The famous "Sermon on the Mount" begins with Jesus climbing a mountain, followed by his disciples (Matthew 5:1). God created Platypuses, Yeti crabs, and Irrawaddy dolphins for example. The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre. Here are some of the funny Bible verses that made us chuckle: Then the Lord spoke to the fish, and it spit Jonah out onto the dry land.. Yeah, marriage is no joke. Here I thought I was the only one in the world that's not blind to the truth. If Christians want to make god claims, they then have *all* the burden of proof in demonstrating the claim's veracity. There is an excellent article in Time magazine about how the bible was translated and compiled. Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them. So did Abraham and Moses: The Lord appeared to Abraham near the great trees of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance to his tent in the heat of the day (Genesis 18:1). I believe the reason the Bible says to have faith like a child is because some things in the book we simply cannot understand as mere humans. We have Bible verses that show humor, lightheartedness, and even playfulness. It would be cool to be able to talk to animals, but when a donkey talks to you out of nowhere, it can be quite surprising. Maybe you should read it (the bible) or anything for that matter? As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. Sounds very much like what a pedophile tells his victims, that is, "You better do what I want, or things will be very bad for you." They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid. These people spin As I've been watching the Republican debates, and reading articles and blogs about the candidates I have noticed a couple of terms that " Yes, There Are Pro-Life Atheists Out There . They restored it but when they woke up the next morning, they found Dagon on its face again, but this time the head and the hands were broken. Does the Bible say anything about humor and having fun? That doesn't mean it's perfect. GIGO Bible Contradictions Chart. Aside from teaching, healing, and dying on the cross Jesus attended weddings and dined with people. Your blog is spot-on. Here it quotes an Old Testament declaration of God to justify a new covenant. Planks! They're age is calculated through radiometric dating, which is a technique that can provide information on fossils and rocks that are in fact, hundreds of millions of years old. Good job. And they also tell us a little about our heavenly father the creator of the first dad jokes. Jesus taught that calling someone a "fool" because you are angry with them, want to abuse them and feel like killing them, is wrong. This is standard Christian dogma, but things get confusing when you read the opening verse of Job, which says of Job, This man was blameless and upright. Even as his life was going to hell because of Satan and Gods little experiment, Job was vindicated in his belief that he had nothing to apologize for. That is why, like in this instance, Ezekiel had to live out Israels future in front of them In hopes that if they see what is about to happen to them, they would repent and turn back to God. Now, he was listening to Paul and he could not help it. "Hey first anonymous poster: you live life as a slave to a master who doesn't exist. All over the Bible it states that God grants us all free will. I have noticed All Rights Reserved by fisheswithfeet.com. We didnt opt in to get the sin of Adam, and we neednt opt in to get the salvation of Jesus. . There is no satan, devil or fiery hell. The longer you live you see that things are fucked up. [Jesus said,] I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one. ( They chanted, they prayed, they even started cutting themselves but no fire came. You might not expect to laugh but these funny Bible verses show that it is possible, depending on the translation you are using. God let Balaam do what he wantsat first. Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world. In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sunThe straight forward message from Christ is to honor the Creator and love your fellow humans trust that the Blood Christ shed has power over the second death. But in Luke 23:40-42 only one thief reviled Jesus, while the other one defended him. God made an everlasting covenant with Abraham, but then he tore that one up and made another one with Moses. I believe there is a "God Force," but what is portrayed in most modern-day organized religions is cartoonish fairy tales and human distortions.Take "hell" and "satan," for instance. On the day of the Pentecost, the disciples were given power and they started to testify to people in public. They make sense to me as true contradictions. GE 1:26-27 Man and woman were created at the same time. Utter crap. (my personal favorite). As for the sea shells on Everest Maybe you've heard of Plate Tectonics? Your blogs are entertaining, I will give you that much. Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, Go up, you baldhead! There are hundreds of de. Esau is described in the Bible much like the kind of guy who is good at something, and quite clueless about a lot of things in life. That's why I left Christianity and became a deist. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). I find it amusing when people respond to something that makes them feel uncomfortable because it flies in the face of their beliefs with utter gibberish! Who said I had malice of heart towards Jesus or God????? But, on their way, the donkey suddenly veered off course and even refused to move. He is creative. In the original Greek gospels(validated by carbon dating) there is no story of "cast the first stone". And very early in the morning the first day of the week, they came unto the sepulchre at the rising of the sun. But then the book of Hebrews weaves a legal case that argues that Jesus is a priest in the line of Melchizedek, which ought to take priority over the existing priesthood in the line of Aaron. He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. It was because an angel bearing a sword was in the path. The Lord gave us laughter. It can get us through tough times. Bible verses that show people feeling lovesick, or people getting funny nicknames, young men falling to the ground during a sermon, showing us a side of our Lord and people in those days that help us relate to them more. The reality is that the bulk of organized religion is utter BS. God did (2 Samuel 24: 1) Satan did (I Chronicles 2 1:1) 2. To me..it seems as though you are saying that Jesus is teaching against anger. How is it ironic? Sure, there are things I don't completely understand, but the Holy Spirit gives me peace over those things. :)). And just like that, as Jesus predicted in the Apocalypse of Peter, the Apocryphon of James and other texts, an manipulative religion called "Christianity" with a "manifold dogma" (AoP) was created to REPLACE the system originally taught by Jesus, who taught about Karma, Reincarnation and Enlightenment techniques. It was simply a contrivance inserted into the Bible to scare people into compliance. Atom . At times, it can even help us make connections with others. Bible characters have names that sound weird to us today. He called it red stuff and that earned him the nickname Edom which means red. We see another example in Noah, who was also blameless (Genesis 6:9). We cherish the word of God. God did so many amazing things through Elijah. Man you have really been brainwashed. Sometime later Abraham was told, Milkah is also a mother; she has borne sons to your brother Nahor: Uz the firstborn, Buz his brother, Kemuel (the father of Aram). One day, he came home from hunting and found Jacob cooking some beans. For example, that Ahaziah was 22 (or 42) years old when he became king (2 Kings 8:26 vs. 2 Chronicles 22:2). The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. We have to take some things seriously like our worship, our faith, and our spiritual growth. Awakening vs Self-Realization vs Enlightenment, Being Guided by Faith Through the Pandemic, I Read the Bible in One Year; This Is What It Did for Me. Romans 4:5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on Him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousnessPure "religion" is helping widows and orphans. Welcome to Ohio. Who says God doesnt have a sense of humor? just a little fyi that your whole site is just awesome :) it is just telling it like it is without being ignorant (just the opposite!) Innovator. But he was tempted to disobey God. So did Irenaeus, who convinced the synod of Theophilus to create 4 synoptic Gospels to replace the 100 that existed when Justin Martyr wrote his famous apology to the Senate. Reason, (You must log in or sign up to reply here. There was one time when the Israelites used the ark of God as some kind of a lucky charm and took it to battle. Cognitive Dissonance: a discomfort caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. (see Hebrews 8:613), Jesus is a dramatic change to Judaism, and there must be some logic to justify Christians changing their worship day, dropping the sacrifices, worshiping a new guy in addition to Yahweh, and so on. This life is just the first leg in a journey that continues after death toward spiritual enlightenment. The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. We have a lot of interesting facts and trivia in the Bible. Once they determined that he was fine, imagine the congregation grinning at what happened. But, these names come from a different language, and this verse is used as a source for their genealogy. Words can cut deep wounds that cannot be seen. The Bible says you'll live forever. These funny Bible verses might suggest otherwise. Did you think you were going to do that in one body? The Bible Story Reboots. You can't even prove that the "Holy Spirit" is real yet you follow it like it's a real thing?,talk about brainwashed. At first, God commanded Ezekiel to use human excrement to cook bread. Everyone knows that no human except Jesus lived a sinless life. This is a lesson that reminds people that our gifts would be wasted if we act foolishly. Dissonance is also reduced by justifying, blaming and denying. Is Jesus to be trusted? 0. It is good to know that these Bible verses show humor on them, too. Eat the food as you would a loaf of barley bread; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.. And that's all you need. The "Satan" concept is nothing more than than human distortion. The huge generation gap and the language barrier contribute to the fact that we hardly see any humor in the Bible. "let's see you work for a company with a boss who has his position higher than yourself who gave you one book, and just let you "understand him", never questioning his methods.It should be entertaining how your life goes along with the company ^ ^, You showed the mirror to evil. Paul assures us were good. Have You Noticed?), "For some reason, atheists think that if they see two different descriptions of the same ", "Why can't a blog have more than one commenting system? The first contradiction is regarding the Sabbath day. A Big Fat, "Fail" by The Friendly Atheist Glenn Beck Video Makes a Resurgence on Facebook - Coincidence? New Testament Manuscript Reliability: the Visual ". And the best part? The implication was that they were altered to conform to sixth century Christianity which differed from the Christianity of previous centuries. Have You Noticed? "If you don't believe as I do, you will go to a place of eternal damnation and pain." Jonah was called to warn the people of Nineveh that they will face judgment if they do not repent. One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish!. I think not! You cannot understand the divine message of the Bible if it is read with a malice of heart towards Jesus Christ/God. We want them to have the best. The bottom line is the Christian religion is incoherent and the bible is patently absurd. Imagine a huge fish spitting out a fully-grown man onto the beach. ordinary Christians dont sin. Absolutely illogical, foolish and denigrating to human intelligence. But Adam and Eve saw God. The morning after, the Philistines woke up to find the statue Dagon on its face beside the ark. 2 Kings 2:23-24. Finally somebody who knows the fucking history of Christianity. He wants us to love one another. Or did they? What about human footprints being found in "fossil" layers that in fact prove we walked with dinosaurs? Should Christians Be Serious All the Time? Balaam did not see the angel until the donkey spoke and pointed out that there is an angel in their path. Discussion in 'Religion Archives' started by Flash, Jan 1, 2000. The simple answer is there is a God but He sits far in the outer spiritual sphere somewhere and doesn't get involved in our affairs and our religious squabbles. Here are my favorites. How can that be if he supposedly has a "plan" for you?People bemoan the fact that, "How could a loving God allow such-and-such evil to occur?" . Go up, you baldhead! So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Or that Solomon had made a basin that was ten cubits in diameter and thirty in . We are created in Gods image but we are far from being God-like. Jonah was mad that God would forgive these sinners, but then God taught him a lesson by making a leafy grow to give Jonah shade. James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.May you all seek Christ and bask in the Glory of unfathomable Love. I find it amusing that when people disagree with each other they soon resort to insults. I wish I knew. Like everything else, we Christians, need to be mindful of the things we do and the words we say. Dissonance is also reduced by justifying, blaming and denying. It must have looked comical. Crusading Christian armies have killed millions of non-believers in south America, Asia and Europe Is natural disasters and catastrophes destroy and kill Christian faithfuls and how non-faithfuls or non-believers live in many countries around the world in happiness and peace? It helps us a lot to get through the day. Is Gods Sense of Humor the Same as Ours? We can have a relationship with God too. . Imagine comically earning a nickname. Play along at home and see which of these are your list, too. Our faith takes work. Innumerable things have changed in the world since then. Continue To The Contradictions Pages. Prophets tell the people their prophecies through words. Holiness does not involve making people feel bad about themselves or degrading them. I mean that scene must have been pretty striking. I rest in the mystery of what I can't understand and I live my life knowing that some day, all of these small things I don't understand will be revealed to me along with God's glory. Let's take a look. People need to wake up. The first commentator is probably a troll, as well as ur a fool. How do you break through the wall of superstition the religious have built around their minds and restore their ability to think and reason? Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. 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